Children

Growing up, my parents seemed to limit or even be jealous of other adults who wanted to be a part of my life-grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. I always felt like I had a very small support system and still feel that way to an extent. Consciously and subconsciously, I have tried to not be that way with my children. I have tried to share them with a variety of adults - relatives, teachers, other parents, etc. But in that process, I feel that I have lost a lot of influence with them. It is really hard to get it just right and then you still don't know if you've done the right thing. Now it seems that everyone but me has tremendous influence on them and I have very little if any influence on them. I am glad that they seem to have a big support system, but it also seems that others are trying to control them and "live through them". They are both very attractive, very smart, and personable. It is easy to want to be around them. They are quite striking physically and I pray that their inward man will develop more and more towards a personal and growing relationship with God so that as outward beauty fades, their inward beauty will take over. I know that my kids do not understand everything that I have done-I don't always understand everything I have done. I do not want to feel or even say that they owe me anything for the sacrifices that I have made for them. My parents told me over and over that I owed them, but could never repay them-I also could never please them. I believe that my parents started out trying to do the right thing, but something side-tracked them. I don't know exactly what did, but it really affected our family. My sisters and I were all divorced from our husbands-two of us are now remarried (one after more than 10 years and myself after 16 years). I want my kids to be able to survive and know that they can go through anything with God by their side. If they shut God out (as I have at times), they will greatly suffer. I pray for them everyday. It is a rough world and everything must be weighed. You cannot trust anyone but God. People will lie to you while smiling at you. People will try to "help" you while they are really trying to control you. The people who can do the most damage are family. After allowing myself to be controlled for so many years by my family, I feel I can express this the most of many people I know. Do you ever get over being hurt by your family? I don't know-not there yet. But God is merciful and loves us and knows what is best for me-everyday God shows me how much He loves me. By the love expressed to me through the Bible, His love expressed to me by the love shown to me by my husband, good health, a clear mind, life itself, God's creation, peace. The peace that I now have in my life is incredible.